Hahnna's blog

Ability to change

I love books.  I particularly love good fiction - the kind of story that draws you in and makes you want to forget everything around you and just read until the book is finished.  Some people like to make a good book last as long as possible, but that is not me.  If a book is really engaging, I somehow end up stuck on the couch for hours.  Go figure.

So, I just finished one of those kind of books.  It is called The Will of Wisteria by Denise Hildreth.  It is a captivating story which draws out themes of character, integrity, perseverance, and healing.  The story revolves around the lives of four siblings and the choices they must make in order to receive their father's inheritance.

The dedication gives a glimpse into the nature of the story: "This book is dedicated to those who remain moldable.  May we realize that often yielding our wills creates a far more beautiful life."

This book is a wonderful read, and the beauty of being moldable is illustrated poignantly.  May we all be open to change and have eyes to see the reward that comes from submission.

The Will of Wisteria

Denise Hildreth

Letting it out (aka: my virtual catharsis)

I haven't written in a long time.  Why is it that I often have the best of intentions yet have the most difficult time following through?  I even have a laptop now, so one would think that communicating my thoughts would be so easy.  After all, my laptop is only an arms-length away.  Maybe it's laziness.  Maybe my goals are too high.  Maybe I just don't think I have that much to say or that it's original enough or worthy of recording for posterity on the "world wide web".   Maybe I'm afraid of becoming a slave to the machine. 

But this goes even beyond writing.  I want to read my Bible every day, yet I find myself mesmerized by the television.  I want to exercise on a regular basis, but my bed continues to call my name.  I sincerely would like to find a "cause" in which to invest myself, but I get caught up in ME.  And on and on and on.  You can probably guess that I am horrible at keeping New Year's resolutions.  I do try...does that get me any points?  The Bible says, "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."  The hard part is getting to that proper time.

I think part of my problem (lately, anyway) is that I feel like my life has been a sort of holding pattern.  I've been waiting, and waiting, and waiting.  Sometimes I forget why I've been waiting.  Am I just wasting my life away while time slips by?  Sometimes I wonder if my waiting is right.  Have I really been called to wait?  Sometimes I know there is more that I could be doing, but my lethargy keeps me from getting a start.  Is God here with me, or has He moved on with those who are advancing His kingdom?  I know He will never leave me, but it is hard to imagine God just sitting with me while I'm not doing too much.

Maybe the root of all of this is "What is my Purpose?"  (I'm definitely creating more questions than answers, but who really knows the answers, anyway?)  So much of our identity comes from what we DO.  Yet God tell us to BE.  "Be still, and know that I am God."  "Be patient..."  "Be kind and compassionate to one another."  "Be strong and courageous."  I am trying to learn the balance of active being.  I tend to either keep myself busy with doing or go too far the other direction by being unfruitful.  I guess that's it - I would like to have fruit from my act of being.  (A-ha!)

Do good writers know where they are going to end up when they start?  Do they plan everything out ahead of time so their thoughts coalesce?  Can they tell when their words will inspire?  All I know is that some of my greatest clarity comes through the process of writing, not knowing where I will end but somehow finding a reasonable place to rest. 

So though the waiting continues, and I wonder if it will ever end, I will rest for a time with another "be": Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.  And I am further reminded that in the midst of seemingly unfruitful seasons - hope endures, "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living." (Psalm 27:13-14)  Meanwhile, I wait. 

A Baby is Born

There is a new addition to my family.  I have a new nephew who was born on July 30 of this year.  His name is Zion, and he has already brought a wonderful measure of joy to our family.

My sister is the "free spirit" of the family, so when she said that she was planning on having a home birth in a bathtub with a midwife assisting, no one was surprised.  We also weren't surprised that she and her husband did not want to know the sex of the baby or give the baby a name before he was born.  Nor were we shocked when my dad was asked to be the birth photographer.

As the due date neared, my sister asked me to be present at the birth.  I agreed to be there and help in any way that I could - after all, I wanted to be there for my niece or nephew's first day of life.  But I was not sure how much of the birthing process I wanted to actually watch.

I'll skip all the unnecessary details involving painful contractions and loud moans and other labor issues.  But I will say that I witnessed my nephew enter this world from the moment his head crowned to the midwife placing him on my sister's chest and realizing that the baby is a boy, and I can't think of many experiences that are more amazing.  What an honor God gave to women to allow us to participate in bringing life into the world.

After the privilege of viewing this miracle, I was reminded of how incredible it is that our Messiah chose to enter the world as a fragile, helpless baby.  He could have come down from heaven with a fanfare of trumpets, followed by angels and fiery chariots.  Or he could have been born in a palace surrounded in finery.  Instead, he came as the least of these: born in a stable, sharing his birthing room with animals, his bed - a feeding trough, his parents - peasants.

I just finished reading a book called Sixth Covenant.  It's part of a series that focuses on the life of Jesus.  The authors beautifully weave scriptural accounts with fiction.  It is evident that they prayerfully created details to enrich our understanding of the culture of Jesus's time and the prophetic implications of His birth, death, and resurrection.

I read about Jesus's birth, His circumcision, and the announcement of His name (Yeshua - which means "salvation").  Then I witnessed the same events with my nephew, and I was reminded anew of the humanity of our Savior.  What a sacrifice of love!  He wanted to identify with us so much that He came as one of us.

In Old Testament times, no one could look upon the face of God without fear of death.  In Exodus 33, Moses asked God to show him His glory.  The Lord replied, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.  But," He said, "you cannot see My face, for no one may see Me and live." 

In Judges 13, the Lord appeared to Samson's mother to tell her that she will have a son.  She did not know he was the Lord, however.  She just thought he was "a man of God".  When she told her husband about her experience, he prayed, "O LORD, I beg You, let the man of God You sent to us come again to teach us how to bring up the boy who is to be born."(v.8)  So the Lord returned to them (which is amazing in itself), but they still did not know who he really was.  Then Manoah inquired of the angel of the LORD, "What is your name, so that we may honor you when your word comes true?"  He replied, "Why do you ask my name? It is beyond understanding."  Then Manoah took a young goat, together with the grain offering, and sacrificed it on a rock to the LORD. And the LORD did an amazing thing while Manoah and his wife watched:  As the flame blazed up from the altar toward heaven, the angel of the LORD ascended in the flame. Seeing this, Manoah and his wife fell with their faces to the ground.  When the angel of the LORD did not show himself again to Manoah and his wife, Manoah realized that it was the angel of the LORD.  "We are doomed to die!" he said to his wife.  Even though God showed His goodness to Samson's parents by answering their prayers, visiting them in their home, and accepting their sacrifice, once they realized Whom they had met, they feared for their lives.

When God chose to come to earth as a tiny baby, He allowed the world to see His face and live.  Many of those He encountered looked lovingly into His eyes, they saw Him smile, they heard Him laugh, and some even heard Him cry.  The humanity of Jesus permitted people to see past the awesomeness and fearfulness of God to glimpse His kindness and tenderness.  In addition, "He too shared in [our] humanity so that by His death He might destroy him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil— and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death." (Heb.2:14-15) 

Who would have imagined that the baby born in Bethlehem would grow up to be the Savior of the world?  Praise God that a baby was born!

Baby Zion

"From Zion, perfect in beauty, God shines forth." Psalm 50:2

Starbucks "Wisdom"

If you are an avid reader like I am, you know that you find yourself reading anything with words on it: billboards on the freeway, signs in church parking lots, magazines at the grocery store checkout, even the side of your Starbucks cup.

I don't know who decided to put "The Way I See It" on Starbucks cups, but it must have been a reader.

When I get my drink of choice, I don't often agree with the sentiments expressed on the cup in my hand.  Sometimes I am amazed by how diverse people's ways of seeing things can be.  But as I read "The Way I See It" #251, I was touched by the depth of insight and moved by words that were almost thrown away.

Our greatest prejudice is against death.  It spans age, gender and race.  We spend immesureable amounts of energy fighting an event that will eventually triumph.  Though it is noble not to give in easily, the most alive people I've ever met are those who embrace their death.  They love, laugh and live more fully.  - Andy Webster, hospice chaplain

I wonder if those "most alive people" are able to embrace their death because they know the Truth - that Jesus has defeated death's power.  "Death has been swallowed up in victory"! (1 Cor. 15:55) Though death may take our physical bodies, it is unable to touch our souls.  Romans 8:38 vividly reminds us that nothing is able to separate us from God's love, not even death.

In fact, the Bible is filled with seemingly paradoxical statements which tell us that in order to gain life, we must first die.  These words of Jesus are recorded in John 5: I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes Him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life. I tell you the truth, a time is coming and has now come when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God and those who hear will live.  I can imagine those listening to Jesus turning to each other in confusion, wondering how the dead could live.

What I find even more amazing is that not only are we given a promise of eternal life after death but also abundant life on earth...if we die to ourselves.  If we can bring our wants, our dreams, our desires and lay them down at the feet of Jesus; He will replace them with His wants, His dreams, and His desires which are greater than anything we could imagine for ourselves.  But death is required first.

Paul says in 2 Corinthians 4 that "we always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that His life may be revealed in our mortal body."  Jesus' life is at work in us!  And having the life of Jesus in us should be a catalyst which enables us to "love, laugh and live more fully". 

So next time you are at Starbucks, take some time to read your cup - you never know what truths you may discover.

The Power of Playing

I just finished reading A Shining Affliction by Annie G. Rogers (thank you, Mike!).  It is a true story of a psychologist who engages in play therapy at a treatment center for emotionally disturbed children.  Through her work, memories of her own childhood trauma surface which threatens her career as a therapist and even her desire to live.  Ironically, it is because of Annie's work with one child in particular that she is able to rise out of the despair of her past to gain healing and hope for the future.  

This excerpt describes the healing properties of play within relationship:

I am beginning to know more fully how Ben's trauma and mine overlap...Ben and I play more intensely now and with greater freedom.  We play from within our two distinct and overlapping stories.  But when I am with Ben, the focus of our playing is Ben's story.  I carefully follow his cues, his feelings, and wait to see his responses to my interpretations....

But Ben and I are not playing within a single story.  In order for our playing to take place at all, in fact, there must be two stories and two perspectives.  When each person is emotionally alive and distinct in the process of playing, she or he notices and responds to the other.  Both are filled with one another's words and feelings, one another's truths (even if some truths are denials), and the unnecessary distinctions vanish.  The two create a world together and a new story.  When this happens, it seems to me that each person playing, no matter how conscious or unconsious the process might be, participates in a new story and is healed within it.

What has been wounded in a relationship must, after all, be healed in a relationship.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is Freedom

I have a friend who is learning to dance.  She has taken lessons in the past to learn ballroom dance steps, but now she is learning how to dance spontaneously.  You know that saying, "Dance like no one is watching"?  That is what she is gaining confidence in, and let me tell you, when she is not worried about who is watching her, she displays great freedom in her dancing.

My husband loves dirt bike riding.  Several years ago, he bought his first dirt bike, and as time goes on, he is learning how to ride better and without fear.  He has told me that he is able to conquer jumps and to ride more aggressively (that's healthy man aggression) when he is not afraid to push hard and "go for it".  He is exhibiting more freedom in his riding.

I had an opportunity to record a radio program the other day (no autographs, please).  My dad is the host of the show, and for some reason, he wanted me to be a guest.  When I first walked into the small recording booth and put on the headphones, I became quite nervous.  I was worried about what I would say, what my voice would sound like, whether I'd say "um" too many times.  But as we got into conversation with each other, the ease of talking to my father took over, and I felt freedom to speak thoughtfully and openly.

I believe that freedom and fear are polar opposites of each other.  Fear inhibits us from taking risks, trying new things, opening ourselves up to others.  It prevents us from being willing to say, "I may not be great at this, but I'm going to try it anyway."  Fear can restrict us from doing something as trivial as wearing a silly hat to something with eternal significance like sharing our faith.

Freedom, on the other hand, is liberating.  To be free means "to not be imprisoned or enslaved, to be unobstructed and unguarded, to be lavish."  When we are living in freedom, we don't allow our fears to hold us captive.  We can recognize that we may have apprehension about something, but then we move forward in boldness to conquer the challenges ahead.  Freedom is one of the beautiful gifts that God has bestowed on us.  Through breaking the strongholds of death, Jesus has delivered us from slavery and allowed us to walk freely (Luke 4:18-19).

The Bible reminds us that freedom is not an excuse to do whatever we want.  Galatians 5:13 states, "You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love."  And 1 Peter 2:16 notes, "Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God."  We have been given freedom, but we have the responsibility to use our freedom to draw others to the Lord.

2 Corinthians 3 is an incredible reminder that freedom comes from God.  By practicing His freedom, we become more aligned with the image of our Father: How much greater is the glory of that which lasts! Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. We are not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face to keep the Israelites from gazing at it while the radiance was fading away. But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

Be Free!

 

Capernaum synagogue

 

 

Waterfall at En Gedi

Age is in the Eye of the Beholder

Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life. Proverbs 16:31

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30

A few weeks ago, I was getting ready for bed, and I noticed something shimmery on the side of my head.  Upon further inspection (and to my initial dismay), it was my very first gray hair.  Now I know that having a gray hair is definitely not the end of the world, but I just thought I'd be older when they started showing up.  I let it stay attached to my head long enough to show it to my husband, and then I yanked it out.  Well, last night, that pesky gray hair was back again.  So it got me thinking about aging and beauty and worth.

There's the saying, "You're only as old as you feel," and though there may be some truth in that, our society seems to say, "You're only as old as you look to everyone else."  For so long, people have told me how young I look and to my parents, I'm still their little girl, so it's a bit disconcerting when I notice lines around my eyes and when the checker doesn't ask for my ID when I buy a bottle of wine.  And there's my parents' generation who are doing everything in power to avoid being "old" from eating organic food and exercising daily to the extreme of surgeries and other enhancements.  (Ok, that's our generation, too.)  Even my husband, who is not one to care what the world thinks, is feeling the over-thirty pressure to stay fit, and now he is triathlon crazy (in a good "I don't want to let myself go" kind of way). 

my Abba and me

We hear that 50 is the new 30, and since people are living to be in their 90's and 100's, we really do have more years on this earth, but my challenge to myself is the spend those years focusing on how to bring God glory rather how to make myself look better.  And therein lies the struggle.  We don't want to just let ourselves go, but we also don't want to be so focused on outward appearance that our spirits get neglected.

In the book Lies Women Believe, Nancy Leigh DeMoss writes about the issue of inner beauty versus outer beauty.  She says, "Regardless of what potions, pills, or procedures I purchase, I know there is a process taking place in my physical body that will not be reversed this side of eternity...But I also know that 'the path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining brighter till the full light of day' (Prov. 4:18).  That means there is a dimension of life that can grow richer and fuller, even as our outer bodies are decaying."

29 years later

That is my desire.  I want to grow in wisdom and knowledge in my relationship with God, and I want to be used by God in every stage of my life.  And though the beginning of 1 Timothy 4:12 may not apply to me anymore ("Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young"), I am still challenged by the second part of the verse.  May I "set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."  Even so, don't expect to see a bunch of gray hairs on my head any time soon.  I'm taking it one step at a time.

 

On vacation from vacations

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

Andrea reminded me the other day that I have not visited the world of vox in a long time.  To be honest, I almost forgot that I had a blog.  But don't worry - my memory has been refreshed.  Part of the reason why I've neglected my blog is because I've felt that my life has been too busy.  I think we all feel that way in many situations, but this particular winter has been filled with an overabundance of stuff - traveling, in particular.  From September to February, I was in Los Angeles twice as well as Phoenix, Mexico, and Israel.  To the average business person, that probably doesn't seem like much.  But to a woman who does not like to fly, it was plenty.

Now, I really shouldn't complain about going on vacation.  Our trip to Israel was incredible and life-changing.  And Mexico was wonderful and relaxing. (That leads to a whole other discussion about why we enjoy vacations so much, but I'll save that for another day.)  Still, there is something about not having a regular routine that I find difficult.  That must say something about my personality type.  I suppose I need structure.  So as much as I enjoyed my journeying around the world, I must say that being back in "regular life" has been good for my well-being.  Maybe it's because my regular life involves being a stay-at-home wife. :) Regardless, I am back, and I plan on being here for a while.

So until I have some actual words of supposed wisdom to share, I'll leave you with a beautiful Mexican sunset...

 

sunset in Ixtapa

 

deeping sunset

The Circle of Life

Israeli sunset

Have you ever read the book Tuck Everlasting?  It's a story of a family who accidentally drink from a magical spring whose water causes them to live forever.  The story grapples with the concept of living forever on earth - never aging, never changing, never building deep relationships.  You feel very sorry for the Tuck family.  As a teacher in a Christian school, this story led to meaningful discussions about true eternal life, but the discussion of life and death is not easily capsulized in a few sentences. 

I heard a story on the news the other day about a soldier in Iraq who died several hours before his son was born.  How does the mother deal with such extreme emotions: heart-wrenching grief at the loss of her husband and overwhelming joy at the birth of her first child?  This past September, my grandmother passed away.  Two weeks later, my cousin gave birth to a healthy baby boy.  This life on earth is a continual reminder that time is fleeting and life is fragile.  King David said in Psalm 39, "You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath." 

It's 2007 - the beginning of a new year, a fresh start, yet this morning, I got a phone call that my grandpa has died.  It really isn't a surprise.  His memory has been fading, and grandma's death took away much of his purpose for living.  He has been a shell of the man that he once was.  Still, the loss of my last living grandparent and a man that I dearly loved hurts my heart.  Loss is never easy, and we've all experienced loss in some form: the loss of a dream, the loss of a love, the loss of an expectation, the loss of a friend, the loss of a life.  Loss is painful, so Paul's words in Philippians are quite shocking: "I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him..."  How can he be so willing to lose so much?

Examining life at face value can often be discouraging.  We live in a fallen world filled with pain and suffering.  But those of us whose eyes have been opened to the Truth know that one thing is certain: our God is a good God.  He is constant and unchanging, and His love endures forever. "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom." (Isaiah 40:28)  When I choose to put my hope in Him, my perspective changes.  I am able to see the world through spiritual lenses, and I can discern between the things that are lasting and that which will fade away. 

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Cor. 4:16-18)  That doesn't mean that the death of a loved one is any less painful or that the circle of life will always run smoothly.  However, it offers us the security that this eternal weight of glory (as the KJV puts it) is worth much more than the daily troubles floating around us.

So my prayer for 2007 is this, "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me. The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever— do not abandon the works of your hands." (Ps.138:7-8)

I miss my Bobie and Zeidie, yet my heart rests secure in the palms of my Lord.

 

my grandpa and grandma

Business casual

 

group1

 

group2

 

I saw these men while sailing on a Argosy cruise around Lake Washington, and I couldn't resist taking their picture (incognito, of course).  I love the contrast between their proper demeanor and the relaxed environment of a sightseeing cruise.  Later, they relaxed a bit by taking pictures of each other smoking swisher sweets cigars.  Maybe you had to be there, but I thought they were great!